Phranckie wrote this but I cant see the title

Status Update

By Phranckie Chidi Ifeagwazi

This message is beyond all relationships...





























When I will be dead, your tears will flow.
But I won't know!
So, cry for me now instead!!

You will send flowers...
But I won't see!
Send them now instead!!

You will say words of praise...
But I won't hear!
So praise me now instead!!

You will forget my faults...
But I won't know!
So forget them and hug me now, instead!!

You will miss me then...
But I won't feel!
So miss me now instead!!

You will wish...
You could have spent more time with me!
But I won't feel!
So spend it now instead!!

Dearest!
I just wanna say...
"Spend time with every person
You love, everyone you care for...

Make them feel special
at present moment...
You never know
when time will take them away from you
Forever.

OBIAGU

                                        OBIAGU

Obiagu Road in Enugu is known for its notoriety, especially the Council area close to Amawusa; the area where you have the defunct infamous Salon Hotel, with its characteristic display of skimpily dressed gawky whores. I remember I have once seen a whore fight and embarrass a gentle man there for not paying the complete fee after doing “business” with her. I live at college road, close to Obiagu and I hate that the entire area is called Obiagu. I hate it when people call my house Obiagu. I don’t like walking down to the rowdy Obiagu junction where you have Agberos smoking along the street, and bus conductors announcing various destinations. If you don’t listen carefully, you might not understand what the bus conductors say:

“akpaakpaakpa” for Abakpa

and “opa, opa, opa” for old park.

They always rob people around that area, though I’ve never been robbed there. With time I have got to know some of the guys that sell igbo at the hidden corners of Obiagu Primary School by name. Anya-ura, Onye-owa and Obere are always there whenever I pass to buy air time in the night. I always hail them and shake hands with them. I buy them drinks at times and they call me “chairman”. That is how not to get robbed. They call themselves Umu-ogbe. I have become Nwa-ogbe too, after identifying with them, so they can’t do me any harm – dogs don’t eat dogs.

Last Saturday, I was at home.  I decided to sit out at the balcony of my house and watch activities around the street.  It was the balcony where my younger brother called CNN. I bet you, watching Obiagu activities from the balcony can be more interesting than watching any Nollywood - too many young girls rumpling up and down the street in their younger sisters wears and some street boy at the dark corners making cat calls at them; boys with their trousers drawn down to the buttocks and drunk old men groping home.  Another interesting sight is the mad woman that plays and talks to herself all day at the council roundabout.  She plays and dances on her own in the day time and in the night some faceless men come and sleep with her.  I only wonder why some men would make love to that pungently stinking mad woman when there a too many beautiful girls in the street burning with passion. I also wonder why it must be only that particular dirty mad woman since there are other mad women around even the ones that walk naked. Another mad man they call old Soldier loiters up the street too.  He wears tight fitted leggings and walks like a woman with glassless frames on his face. Obiagu is full of mad people with different entertaining behaviours I must confess, including sane people gradually drifting into insanity evident by the way they dress and act. It must not be unconnected with the igbo they sell around there. I must confess I like the smell of the Indian hemp that hangs at the council area every time I pass, though I’ve never tested it. It is in Obiagu that you can see girls that can fight boys, break bottles and stab themselves; girls that dress and walk like boys with their jeans trouser sagged to the buttocks.  The most annoying sights there are their dirty cashew nut fluid tattoos that look like kindergarten students drawing practice on their biceps, shoulders and on some girls’ exposed bum cheeks.

What happened last Saturday bamboozled me.  I was looking out from the balcony as usual when I saw a man hawking rat-killers, insecticides, pesticides and other things I couldn’t understand. He carried his goods in a basket on his head and hung a string of dried dead rats over his neck. I had always looked for a way to eliminate the rats that ran around freely in my house as if they contributed for the house rent. Obiagu rats can be very stubborn than you can imagine. What other kind of rat can confidently climb up three storey building and rummage freely in the rooms? The annoying thing is that they never found anything to eat in my house. What has a miserable bachelor to offer a rat? The agility with which the rats scurry up the staircase can be so flabbergasting.

I called the rat-killer man. He showed me various types, ranging from kill and dry to biscuit flavoured glue traps. I was taking up the kill and dry bottle when a boy that was naked from waist up ran down to where we were and snatched away the rat-killer bottle from my hand and zoomed off. The peddler dashed after him. I didn’t see his face clearly. He looked like one of the guys that sell igbo behind Obiagu primary school.

“onye-ohi! onye-ohi! onye-ohi!” the peddler screamed as he chased after the boy. People laughed and clapped for them. I laughed too because I didn’t understand what was going on.  I didn’t understand why somebody should risk his life by stealing a bottle of rat-killer that’s worth less than N50.

That is another thing I don’t like about Enugu. They do nothing to these cheap robbers. If it were in Aba, somebody would have hacked the boy down with a club.

I was confused. If I chased after the boy, some other persons might come from somewhere else and take away the remaining basket of rat killers. I took the basket inside our compound and ran after them.

The street was at a pause.

Everybody watched the racers.

The boy ran through the street where they sell igbo and dashed through the broken walls of Obiagu primary school into the school compound. I ran passed the old man and before I could get close to the guy, he had uncorked the bottle and emptied the entire content into his mouth and belched. Then he stopped and turned looking at me with eyes flashing like a watch night’s torch.

I was stunned.

I didn’t know what to do.

Then the rat-killer peddler strolled in through the broken wall breathing like a lizard that had fallen off an iroko. Some onlookers followed him.

“wey my tusasia?” he barked with eyes bloody red. The boy didn’t say a word but coughed and smiled wryly and kicked the empty bottle on the ground. The man dashed forward and charged at the boy before he saw the bottle and stopped dead.

“o nugo nu tusasia o!” the man screamed and fell backwards. I held him and the boy ran off again and the multitude of onlookers ran after him. I didn’t see the need to stop a man that had decided to end his life, especially with the geometric growth of the population of the country without corresponding growth in national wealth and food supply. I just hissed and helped the rat killer man up.

“oga go carry your things run o!. This guy go die now and you know the kain police wey we get for this country. They go come carry you say na you kill am.” I whispered.

“hmm?” the man’s eyes flipped wide open and he ran out through the broken wall and I followed him. I gave him his basket and went into my house and slept off.

By the next day, I heard that the guy was rushed to the hospital but he died.

Kedu kwanu nke gbasara m?

Agbo the Thief

I have always known victor to be a bad boy. Mama had always told me to avoid him and said “bad association spoils useful habit”. But I came to trust Victor right from the day he saved me from the opened claws of Senior Bob Satan. Victor seemed to have a way out of every seemingly tough situation. I remember Bob Satan; he was the senior that had a black and red tattoo of a dragon on his neck down into his back. I only wondered if the principal didn’t see the conspicuous tattoo before admitting him into the school. Some people said he was a relative of the principal – his nephew – but Chukwuma never told me that Bob Satan was his cousin. He must not be anything above 16years yet he carried himself like a grown man. I never saw him smile or poke a joke; even among his fellow senior students who feared him like he was a demon. His face was always blank and expressionless like a heated plantain peal. He walked slowly like he was afraid of trampling on some venomous snails. He walked with his hands raced to the back like a fowl and never returned greetings.

I came to school late on that Monday. I was late because I trekked to school so that I could save up some money to buy a pair of Opanka sandals. Mama refused to buy me Opanka because she said I was too small to wear that kind of footwear, even when I told her that all my classmates wore Opanka. Opanka was the reigning sandals in town. It was victor that taught me that I could save up some money by trekking to and from school. He had taken me through all the apiam ways that would reduce the distance to school. When I got close to the school gate that morning, Oga John, the crooked armed gateman was in front of the gate with legs astradly pinned to the ground like capital ‘A’ and his long cane with black elastic rope woven around it was under his armpit. Some junior students knelt behind him screamed in pains. The Senior Prefect was there behind Oga John flogging the students one after the other with the leg of a broken stool.

I peeked from the walls of the patrol station right opposite the school gate where I hid. The patrol station pump attendant gave me a signal that some senior student were approaching and I ran behind the petrol station manager’s office and hemmed in between two dirty drums of oil that smeared the left shoulder of my shirt with blackened oil. From there I sneaked round through the rail way to the broken walls behind the school fence where victor took me out through, the day we played hippy to an ikeji masquerading festival at Obiohia. It was the broken wall victor called Golden gate.

 The area around the broken fence was as quiet as a grave yard. The over grown elephant grasses there, were almost my height. They waved gently with the morning breeze that swayed them amid the tender morning sun. I didn’t see any train pass on the rail way. I had never seen one before but from our class, I always heard the deafening sound of the trains and the quaking jigi-jigi-kwam-kwam tremor of their wheels on the railway that shook and threatened to demolish the school walls whenever they passed through.

So I waddled through the tall elephant grasses and climbed over the debris of the broken fence into the school farm dotted with weeds on mole hills and malnourished cassava stems with leaves that had turned yellow. It was the first time I saw a squirrel munching a palm fruit. I paused to see the squirrel crack the shell of the kernel in the palm fruit like the ones they told us in the stories did. It held the palm fruit up in two fore limbs just like human and its eyes darted to all directions with flashing gleams. It saw me and dashed into a hole. I would have liked to go after it. I would have liked to catch it and put it in a cage near our kitchen and feed it everyday with palm fruits and cassava tubers. I would have liked to have it as a pet so that I could do shakara for chuks whenever he came to the pavement with his computer games. But chasing after the squirrel might expose me to dangers, so I moved on. I walked down the narrow part that led to the school refuse dump pit. I perceived a growing stench of igbo as I drew closer to the bamboo grove near the pit. The stench of the Indian hemp grew stronger and stronger the more I got closer to the bamboos. I also heard some whispers and some crunching footsteps on the dried grasses and I paused. If I could get to the pit, I could make my palms dirty and claim I went to throw away some dirt, should any senior student see me, I thought. Then I heard a bounced sound behind me like somebody just jumped in through the fence and I ran and hid behind the bamboo grove where the stench of igbo was higher. The dried grasses behind me made some chakri-chakri sounds and I felt it might be a snake and turned swiftly. An opened rough palm slammed on my face and the entire farm darkened.  I saw stars in my head and fell flat with my back on the dried bamboo grasses. I didn’t scream despite the pains that ran into my fore head and the hot liquid that ran in my nose and felt like blood. I didn’t cry because I went blank. When I opened my eyes, I was in the middle of five senior students led by Bob Satan. All my pockets were turned inside out. The transport money I was to save for the day was gone. My school bag was over turned, with my books lying beside it.

They sucked at a single wrap of igbo which passed round from mouth to mouth. Bob Satan squatted and blew some smokes of igbo into my face. I liked the smell of the smoke but it choked me and I coughed and held my throat. The other senior students laughed out loud but Bob Satan didn’t even smile. His face was expressionless. He blew the smoke on my face again and tried to stuff the burning wrap of igbo into my mouth. I raised my hand and knocked the smoke away. Bob Satan’s eyes widened and the other boys’ jaws dropped in awe. One of them picked up the igbo and dressed back. They all looked intently and expectantly at Bob Satan like a movie playing a climax tune – gbam gbam! Bob Satan stood up slowly. I was not terrified, even with the droplets of blood trickling from my nose, but I only watched him without blinking. He walked two steps back and brought out a rusty short gun from the back of his hips and pointed it at me and said:

“Say your last prayer boy”

The expression on his face did not change. Then victor emerged from the narrow walkway with a small black nylon bag on hand. One of the boy turned and screamed

“Agbo de thief!”

He smiled and raised his left hand in a fist. That was the first time I saw Bob Satan smile with only a curve in his cheek. He lowered the gun limply and victor handed him the nylon bag. Then victor saw me lying sprawled on the bare ground and dashed towards me.

“Hey my brother!” victor screamed.

Bob Satan sighed and said “sorry” carelessly to no one in particular. Victor frowned and propped me up. He didn’t talk to any of the senior boys again but took me to the school tap, where I washed up and marched straight to the school’s Guidance and councillor and lied that I was ill and she gave me a permission to go home.

NDU by Ukamaka Olisakwe

Author(s): Ukamaka Olisakwe

Ndu.

For lack of a name and since no one knew his real name, let’s call him “Ndu”.

Ndu, whose name means “life” in Igbo, was a mentally challenged man who became a legend of sorts in Aba. Young and thin, he had a face so narrow the skin stretched tight over its bony expanse perfected a look of hardship. The air around him hung thick, suffused with a heartrending sadness that was difficult to wave away, even long after you had left his presence.

But there was always some kind of smile on his face, as though he was mocking the pain that obviously was a part of his daily life―he had a large wound on his left leg that ran from around his knee to almost his ankle. He wasn’t the only mentally challenged and displaced person in Aba, but what stood him out was the bad leg and the permanent place he occupied in the city: a spot opposite the Abia State Polytechnic.

There were different versions to his story, depending on who was talking. Some said he was one of those vagrants who escaped from Uyo after the governor of Akwa Ibom State conducted the exercise to rid the streets of all mentally challenged and displaced persons. Others said he was a youngman who became mentally imbalanced after he took to hard drugs. And some said, in that generic way, with a superior smile on their religious faces, that ‘probably’ it was nemesis catching up with him―all of these stories were told with the casual indifference of people discussing the weather.

For months, he sat at his spot hunched over his wound, a souvenir from a hit-and-run early last year. Once, he was found wrapped in bandages, but he must have torn them off and began what would become his daily ritual of picking the wound with his finger until it bled. The state’s teaching hospital was about four kilometres away. Upon enquiries, a doctor said that they had tried all they could but that he had become infected and that the infection had spread. They were seeking other ways to get him off the streets and possibly cured. But that never happened.

Ndu remained on our streets. At a point he couldn’t move ten metres from his spot except he dragged his rump on the ground, pulling the bad leg along. At some point too, he sat hunched over the sore, unable to take shelter when the rains came.

As the months rode on, Ndu remained there, held hostage by his condition. We walked, head straight and noses scrunched up in disgust as his other diseases began to manifest: a bloated scrotum, the horrid  growth from his anus―possibly pile, which had him permanently sitting on one side of his buttock. He lost his smile. We sped past him each day. And then we went online and wept for Mandela’s health. We wept for the children dying in Aleppo. We screamed in solidarity with Turkish and Brazilian protesters. We shook our heads at the Americans―they were the cause of the problems in Africa.

And when we got to our churches or workplaces, we recited the arrogant prayer: to thank God for how we weren’t unlucky like the folks rotting on the streets. We gave to the church, when the offerings for the homeless and sick and poor were announced. Even though we had driven past them on our way to church. Even though the homeless, mentally challenged man on the street just few poles away from our church had been sitting there for more than a year, isolated. Even though his left leg had been rotting and no one cared to give him medication anymore. Even though he was dying in a city where you find a church in every other third building, in every street, blaring loud music and smatterings of prayers, screaming God’s salvation, urging on passerby to come witness how the pastor had cured the mad and raised the dead and healed the sick. Even though on the wastebin, opposite the spot where the Ndu sat, was emblazoned with different posters of our preachers advertising these miracles they had performed.

We did not talk about Ndu in our churches, or the various Ndu(s) scattered all over Aba, seeking for help, pleading with sorrow-filled eyes for relief from the pains so heavy they are unable to walk straight anymore. We find them on the various major roads where they touch our car doors and plead with open palms.

First week of June, 2013, on my way to work, I saw people clustered together, muttering and jabbing themselves on the shoulder. I saw him, the object of the gathering―Ndu. He was walking! I sreamed in joy. He was walking! Though it was more like limping, as he dragged the bad leg along. Vehicles stopped for him. People stuck their heads out of their windows to watch him. Him, half dressed in rags, walked with a sneer on his face, as though he was mocking us all, as though he held the secret of surviving on this crude conception called life. We all gawked, mouths frozen in Os and eyes asking questions we dare not give voice to. I said, “thank God!” Ndu’s eyes said, “fuck you!” when he returned our stare. And when he got to his spot, he carefully, in that practiced way, sat back down and resumed his ritual.

I got to work that day and before I was done talking about him, colleagues were already hailing his struggles. “Yes!” they said. “At least our government and the doctors must be hanging their heads in shame. They had been waiting for the youngman to die.”

Hope is what keeps the fire burning. It rose in our eyes each day as we returned to watching that one man who had grabbed life by the neck and wrestled it until it succumbed to his will. And he was there too, everyday, picking away at his bag leg, sitting with a mock-like pose. Perhaps it was my mind playing tricks on me.

On Friday, June 14, 2013, as I rode to work in the early hours of the wet morning, waiting to take my share of our daily perverse stares, I found him lying flatback on the ground, completely naked, his eyes wide and vacant and his tongue sticking out of his mouth as flies buzzed around his face and also around his bad leg.

And the body that hosted his soul stayed there for four days.

His death was unimportant. There was no mention of him in the popular Sun Newspaper known for their bizarre news reporting. There was no mention of him over the radio. And there was none too in the local TV stations. Vultures circled above the body by the following day. Same day, the sky, gorged with contempt, retched its anger over Aba. It rained like crazy. It washed over the body, sweeping his essence onto the road and into the rising, stagnant flood, until the body was almost immersed. And after it stopped raining, we, with no other option, poured into same flood on our way back to our homes, taking with us bits and memory of the man who had lain forsaken on our street.

This is 2013. He is not the first of this bizarre occurrence, we suddenly remember. He was not the first Mr No Name who had died on our streets and left there to bloat, until the health workers were awoken from their slumbers to remove them. He became just another statistic. By the fourth day, after he was removed, it was not relief that hung in the air. It was not sadness. The air was thick with mildew, one which clung to our skins and blurred our faces.

MEN DON'T CRY

Allow me to cry
To cry away this rivers in my soul
These rivers of pensive tears
That clog my soul in pains
That my heart would not drown

Remove these dams and let my Niger flow
To swallow this dirty Onitsha market
Screaming and touting in my head
Let my flood eat up Abuja road
And barricade every contact with them

Allow me to shade these tears
That my heart could swim through
Through this putrid murky stream
With tick creamy tears
That this rain could not wash away

Let the sun not shine again
Let the stars die and give no light
That my tears should not dry
And let the rivers run
Till there’s no more
‘cos men don’t cry…

A Group of Quarrelling Words

This is not a poem
It’s just about the feeling
A cluster of quarrelling words
Like a lad building castles on the soil
Until an adult appears from nowhere
And tramples on it
And swaggers on without looking back
What can a hapless lad do?
But be frustrated
And confused
Like these quarrelling words

This is not a poem
It‘s just about the feeling
A hen scratching cemented floor
Like a pregnant woman expecting a boy
She buys baby clothes in every shop
And writes a list of names for the baby boy
Only to be knocked down on the road
By a reckless driver that cares not
And the baby is gone
In slimes of blood and smelly fluids
What can a helpless woman do?
But quack quack quack
A hen mimicking a duck

This is not a poem
It’s just about the feeling
A bunch of straying confused words
Like a jelly fish in flowing lake
Swimming and making merry
Until a hawk appears from nowhere
And digs it fangs into the fish
And there it dies 
Gradually….

I am not a man
I am a fish
Hunted everyday by roving eyes
Seeking dirt under my flipping feebly fins 
They must surely see them
Cos I am a fish
Not a god

I am the orphan
The dirty orphan thrown behind the fence
By those wealthy clandestine chiefs
Like a plague
That could contaminate their spotless clans
Don’t call this a poem
It is just a feeling
A group of quarrelling words….

WHY I WAS LATE

I read Femke’s article on mediocrity in Nigeria this morning http://saharareporters.com/article/femke-becomes-funke-celebrating-mediocrity-nigeria-femke-van-zeijl?page=3&nocache=1 and it reminded me many experiences where I have come face to face with flagrant display of mediocrity with impunity. We have much of it in the work places. A colleague that doesn’t know the job is being promoted because he or she licks the boss’ ass. People get jobs into MDAs because of their relationship with one numb skulled politician while the good brains lavish in abject unemployment (Sorry not unemployment but underemployment). I have always argued that there is no unemployment in Nigeria but under employment. Okay, let’s leave that for my next article. What was I even talking about? MEDIOCRITY!

I was in one of the MDAs in Enugu state sometime last month. I was surprised at how the entire place has changed; flashy cars everywhere. I couldn’t help but wonder: “so these people are paid so much that they can afford this kind of luxury?” Right then I switched on to marketing mode. If I can get them to open savings account with my bank that would be a big plus for my performance. At least somebody that drives and Infinity Jeep should have nothing less than N1,000,000 in savings and there were many of them there. I entered one of the offices that looked like a passage way. I was first greeted by the cold air wafting from the air conditioners. Tables lined the left and right flanks up to the wall at the extreme. There were over twenty people in the office (or should I call it a hall). Some of them were sleeping. A few faced themselves gossiping. One was peeling melon seeds on the table and another beside her was knitting something with beads .Only the table at the extreme had a computer on it and the first table near the door had a file with papers on top of it. I greeted them and they jerked. The one sleeping near the door brought up his head and some mucilage of saliva lolled up from his lips to the table. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and sighed, looked up at me disgustedly with red eyes and bent back to his table. I introduced myself and my bank’s products. They just looked at me like I spoke Spanish to an Efik tribe. The ones gossiping turned back to their gossips. Then the one operating a system at the extreme called me.  After some chit chats he collected an account opening pack from me and told me things about every other person in the hall in a very low town. “They don’t work and nobody can say anything about that unless you are tired of this job. They are all families and cronies of highly placed politicians”. It was only then that I understood how the cars came about. But frankly speaking, I would like to get an appointment in such a place so that I can have enough time for more studies and to polish my writing skills. Who no like awuf? (Laughs)

Talking about mediocrity; I wonder if they do train these Road Safety guys at all. I love their uniform no doubt. They look smart. But let me tell you an experience. Frankly speaking, I am always late for field service so I made a resolution last week to always attend meetings for field service. Last Saturday I was late again, so I had to rush (at least, let me not miss the prayer). Though I was rushing, I didn’t drive rough; I only cut off some roads that are usually prone to traffic congestion. At the one way bypass of collage road that led to Kenyatta by Robinson Street Uwani, I met some men in brown and red uniform; a blue road safety van with the white stripes like zebra crossing was packed by the right side of the road. One of them matched into the middle of the road and raised his right hand with opened palm stopping me. His left hand waved me to pullover.

“Clear well” he said.

I drove very close to him like I was not going to stop. Then I stopped.

“off your ignition” he said with face stone frowned.

“Who taught you that you have such right? To order me to switch of the ignition of my own car?” I asked and giggled in sheer ridicule.

“Come; if you don’t say what you want I will drive off” I added and frowned too.

“Where is your driver’s license?”

“Here.” I showed him the fake license one of them did for me a year ago.

“Give it to me” he said and trusted out his crooked hand to collect my license. I laughed out very laud and said:

“Why? Are you looking for your own? Guy you can’t be serious; why should I give you my license? What makes you think you can just order me to give you my license! My own license! You must be stupid! Do they even train you people at all? You just jump into the middle of the road and stop a moving vehicle that didn’t commit any crime; that didn’t go against any traffic laws! Do you just stop vehicles or are you mad! Okay I am driving out of here and if you dear block me, I promise you are gonna wake on an orthopedic bed.” I barked and pulled the gear stick to drive. One other Road Safety guy made to enter the passenger side of my car and I turned swiftly at him:

“If you dear come inside my car…” the words hung and my jaw dropped as I remembered I was going out to preach and also recalled what Chinenye said sometime about having the mind of Christ; then I asked myself “what would Christ do in this situation?’ I pushed the gear stick back to Pack and came down from the car.

“ehen? What do you want?” I asked looking him straight in the eyes.

“Let me see your fire extinguisher”

I opened the boot without words and showed him the small fire extinguisher I bought second hand from a friend that wanted to sell his car last year. He grabbed it and checked something at the top; maybe the expiry date and gave it back to me.

“Let me see your caution triangle”

I showed him. He opened the spare tyre under the rug in the boot. He didn’t notice that it is not even the same rim size with the other tyres on the car and he closed it back. He touched the wheel spanner and the Jack and the side mirrors. I just stood aside and watched him display his inefficiency.

“Match the break”

I did and my break lights flashed.

“The horn”

I did.

Then I stuck out my head from the window and said; “are you satisfied?” He didn’t say a word but waved me off like a disgusting house fly and I turned to the one sitting on my passenger side;

“Now get off my car.” I said and he smiled. I could see the shame on his face. His eye brows that curled down said he felt humiliated. He sighed and opened the door slowly.

“Come you people should learn to do this your job well. You don’t just stop people to check their cars and waste their time when they didn’t commit any traffic error.” I said gentle to none of them and sped off.  When I got to the field service meeting point, they had already started pairing. I just tip-toed into the house and sat quietly.

 

 

 

 

Pleaseoooo this is a mixture of fiction and true life story. In short it is fact-tion! http://saharareporters.com/article/femke-becomes-funke-celebrating-mediocrity-nigeria-femke-van-zeijl?page=3&nocache=1